...

Last week, as I drove back home, I received some news I wish I had never heard...
My little sister, my best friend for over 5 years, passed away in an accident because of a gas leak in her new apartment. Two days before her 20th birthday.

No, I'm not okay. Over the last week I've cried constantly, I'm confused and I still can't believe it.
I have no words... Only cold, shattered thoughts that aimlessly roam through frozen images and sensations; slowly drowning me into an infinite pond of tears... warm tears...

I still uselessly stare at my cellphone, hoping she'll call and I'll listen her sweet voice again "Mew mew oniisan! It was all a joke you silly ass, let's go get drunk for my bday!"...

We were always together, no matter what. We were for each other that special someone who you can turn to whenever knowing he or she will always be there for you, for the good and the bad. Even now, with that last gift she offered me, something only she could have been able to...

Its now that I hold tightly to that bone shaped plushie she gave me two years ago, with tears in my eyes that I can't stop thinking about her. Knowing I won't be able to hold her again, stare into her green eyes or make her laugh. That she always lived to the limit, no regrets. Always with a big smile and a mewl, living in 20 years much more than many people do during their entire lives.

Kendrya, you changed my life to the last moment of yours. You'll always be with me, like a paw print on my heart.
I ask for forgiveness for the things I did and I did not. For all I didn't say and held back from you, even when we both knew it right. And thank you, for all the laughs and tears we went through.
Now I type slowly in the language we chose to express our best. But there's no songs this time... I write to you with my heart in my paw, no more mirrors, no more smoke... just sober words and feelings, the way it could have been and never was...
I love you, I always did and I always will. As much as that feeling grew in both of us to keep us together over the years and against all adversity.
Thank you, for all we went through; it is deeply carved in my soul. You changed me, truly and deeply, with every experience we shared, included and not limited to our first collars that little we knew would influence so widely in our lives as we grew.
There is no way I can possibly write down all I feel and think as most of it is encrypted in images and sensations only we could understand through that bond that always kept us together.
Farewell my beloved little sister, for that I'll keep feeling you in life itself; knowing you're with Mother now and just a step ahead from us. Kilyanmwy'llalwbinmh... <3
This is a time for change. What I've learned and experienced thanks to you will not go on blindly. Not anymore.

Lastly, I'd like to thank my boyfriend and girlfriend, who have been standing by my side in this painful times; no matter the time nor the length. As well as everyone else who has been here with me, her family, and everyone else who was truly close to my sis.

Everyone, please. Take the most out of your life, taking no time to waste on useless lies, mirrors or smoke. Memories are the fuel for dreams but shall never be the engine. A mewl and a smile, step forward and never doubt; looking back only to keep on going.



-=Old Oak Tree, Forever Knight of The Queen & Slave of Darkness=-
-Ryoku Weil-


PS. Mew mew Kedy...